My life as a military spouse

When I met my partner he was already a member of the Reserve Forces, and although I fully supported his career choice and understood he would need to be away from home for long periods of time, I was never prepared initially for the challenges a military spouse brought.

Each time my partner left to go on operations, I would need to instantly adapt, carrying out the role of a single parent, trying to hold everything together at home whilst balancing a full time career – and that can take its toll! 

There was also a big impact on the family, the children would have their Dad there to take them to nursery and school, go swimming, play games with them, take them on day trips and just doing what Dads do…and then he's gone. 

My partner's parents and my parents would step in daily to help out with the children when I was working.  My job at the time involved shift work so there were many evenings when they would look after them,  I wasn’t there to put them to bed and that would make me feel really guilty, they didn’t have their Dad around so I felt I should’ve been there for them. 

At first I had a lot of self-doubt, worried I wouldn’t be able to cope on my own and sometimes found it difficult to deal with the stress, thinking I wasn’t cut out for this life, but I just needed to lift my own spirits, reminding myself that I had the strength and if other wives/partners could manage, then so could I!

I was lucky enough to be surrounded by family and my friends who always made an effort to get plans in the diary, we'd arrange girls nights in or go out for food and drinks, which was great and exactly what I needed, just to have a bit of time to step away from the busy working parent, trying to juggle school runs, homework, kids clubs, shopping, household chores as well as my full time job and just be 'myself' and relax for a few hours. 

While my friends might not have been able to relate to everything I was going through, I knew that they were always there for me.  However, although I had this support network around me, I would still find myself feeling quite lonely at times, I'd have no one to share my worries or concerns with or to just talk to about my day when I came home from work, and when I did go out with friends I would have to return to an empty house while they would be going home to their partners. 

There was also the constant worry of my partner being safe, having been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, amongst other dangerous undisclosed places. There would be very little contact with him at times and I’d feel anxious, I couldn’t even switch on the news for fear of hearing or seeing some terrible incident that my partner could potentially have been involved in.

Being a military spouse has also had a positive impact on me, I almost turned into a different person.  I have learned to become more and more independent over the years, being able to adapt very well to change and have grown through the challenges I have faced.  I no longer feel anxious or actually phased about coping on my own.  There would always be something that would go wrong in the house when my partner was away so I'd need to either rely on my own father when he was around or fix it myself!  I got very good at problem solving and fixing things!  

Ultimately I knew how much my partner loved what he did in the military and although it was tough for all of us at times, I felt very proud of him for his courage and the part he played in keeping our country safe as well as helping others.  His role was difficult, dangerous and demanding but I knew it was the right decision to stand by him and his choices, as well as the sacrifices that not only he but our whole family have had to make.